I want this to be my kid some day. 

I got an A in thermodynamics. So now I don’t have to take Thermodyfaggot at Purdue three times just to get a C-. 

Maybe Dante just forgot to write about this one? Maybe he didn’t want anyone who read the book to have to endure reading about it. Or, most likely, not even his sick, twisted imagination could have thought up something as cruel and unforgiving as taking summer classes at Cal State Northridge. 

After driving around 65 or 70 miles a day 4 days a week for the last 6 weeks, being either in my car or in class for 7 hours a day (most was spent in my car driving through traffic), and enduring the unimaginable torture of a teacher more incapable of teaching and more foreign than any I have ever come across, today is my last day. 

Now instead of studying like I should be, I decided to write this. Because thermodynamics at CSUN is about as hard as a 70 year old man with ED, and I really don’t need to study. But I’m finally done. And I will never take summer classes again. And if you’re ever unfortunate enough to have to go to CSUN, I’m sorry in advance, and I wish you the best. 

For anyone who doesn’t know, I’m currently on track to major in Nuclear Engineering. However, over the past few weeks, I’ve been thinking and compiling a list of possible jobs that I feel as if I could do a better job at, but for whatever reason can’t do (safety, feasibility, etc.) For future reference, I am very content with my degree, this was merely done for my own entertainment. They are in no specific order.

1. Male prostitution. 

2. The general manager of a professional sports team. 

3. A member of the ESPN cast.

4. A stand up comedian. 

5. CEO of a fortune 500 company. 

6. Male prostitution. 

7. A marketer/advertiser for a large company. 

8. Some dude that invents random cool shit.

9. Billy Mays.

In an ultimate representation of “don’t judge a book by it’s cover,” this punk-ass looking little bitch trying to rap is exactly what you wouldn’t expect. While his lip ring, meth-addictesque clothing, and scrawny white bitch demeanor may lead you to believe that this dude can’t spit rhymes with the best of them, you’re wrong. Not only does he have a catchy beat, but, unlike 95% of the rest of today’s hip hop world, he actually has lyrics that have meaning. I know, it’s hard to believe. But just check it out and help support some lesser known hip hop artists. 

If you look below, there is a picture of a trade that I created using ESPN’s trade machine. It features the Magic, the Rockets, and the Lakers. If you look at the trade, you can tell that I’m obviously biased towards the magic getting the better end of the deal. However, I fail to see how each team wouldn’t benefit from the trade. The Lakers get their man Howard, and while they do lose Gasol, he blows cock in the playoffs anyway, and they get a young Patterson, who would be placed on arguably one of the greatest teams to develop with. They will also pick up Turkoglu’s contract, which is a shitty part, but he is a quality starter, and they’re unloading MWP as well.

Now let’s take a look at the Rockets. Earlier in the 2012 season, there was talk about them acquiring Pau Gasol. What do you know, there he is! By giving up Kevin Martin and Luis Scola, both quality players, and a young Patrick Patterson, they gain one of the best power forwards in the league. And Jason Richardson, who can give quality numbers right away, but doesn’t have a sizable contract. And with Linsanity there too, the Rockets will be a serious playoff contender.

Ahhh the Magic. The team that has been fucking with my head for seasons now. Their horrible front office, as well as their horrible front office has pretty much FORCED Dwight out of Orlando, and could end up screwing them out of anything in return. However, if they fucking listen to me, I could save them. By picking up Bynum and Scola, the magic have a powerful front court that can rebound the shit out of anything. Jameer and Martin in the backcourt? I’ll admit, it’s not the most well known combination of players, but fuck it. I believe. Add in MWP defense, and the Magic could become a team to be wary of.

But we all know this won’t happen, because David Stern will just deny it. Because the Hornets should get Dwight, Bynum, Kobe, LeBron, Durant and CP3. That’ll make it fair.  

Who here can complain? 

First of all, I understand that I’m about 2 and a half years late on making a tumblr. Second of all, if you’re going to complain about that; take your computer, and shove it up your ass. Frankly, I was just bored and had nothing to do. I was late to making a twitter, and bitches be loving that shit. So I figured, why not? Besides, I was a little tired of the tough decision between just not submitting a tweet, or transforming it into a grammatical abomination such as “LOL I jst went 2 da movies, itwas awesum. Cnt w8 2 go nxt wkk!!!1! @glennjaminriley @crudelyspelledtwitterhandle!!” (Yes, that was a subtle advertisement of my twitter handle, so get on that shit.) So here I am. Where there’s no character limit to restrain my shenanigans. So get ready to read the stupidest, most pointless shit you will ever read, and prepare to be entertained. Because my life may be fucking retarded, but I try my best to make it funny.